My Testimony

My Past

I was born in 1971, but I do not know my own biological parents, because my mother gave me to someone else before I was born. Through my adopted parents, I learned that she was a single mother.

My adopted parents treated me very well. They adored and spoiled me at the same time. From young, I was disobedient and very naughty. So, I became a delinquent in no time. I dropped out of school in Primary 3. I have forgotten about the rest of my childhood. In 1986, when I was 15 years old, I became an orphan. My adopted mother committed suicide by jumping off a building in May that year, and two months later, my adopted father died due to high blood pressure. Thus, I became a 15-year-old orphan.

I have a brother who is 25 years older than me. He is the son of my adopted parents. I believe he hates me because as I was adopted and deprived him of his own parents' love. We did not get along well. Of course I cannot blame him because I grew up learning bad things, how could I blame others?

As an orphan, I have very low self-esteem and am very lonely on the inside. Thus, I pretended to appear as tough and arrogant. I was a rogue youth. I fought, got involved in gangs and did not have a proper job. I was an atheist at that time, although I learnt to practise sorcery as a temple medium for the Lotus Prince, Tua Ya Peh and so on, but I do not really believe in it! I was not willing to work decently but passing days by making quick bucks with friends, drinking and fighting. So I was sent to children's homes, and then on to juvenile detention centres’ and prisons. However, I have never messed around with drugs, I hate drugs very much.

In 1993, I went on a holiday in Thailand. One day, I went to a disco for some drinks, and for some reason, I quarrelled with a German. As I was under the influence of alcohol, we fought and I accidentally killed him. I was immediately arrested by the Thai police. After I regained consciousness, I realised I killed a man! I was very sad and scared. I was beatten up by the local police, and knew I was going to be locked up for the rest of my life. Both the German Consul and the families of the deceased requested the local court to sentence me to death. At that time, I was only 22 years old.

I was locked up in a detention center in the South for around one year and nobody ever came to visit me. The condition in Thailand's prison is very poor, they do not provide any daily necessities to foreign prisoners. The families of the prisoners have to send in all the daily necessities, clothing’s and food or these items would have to be purchased. Corruption was rampant, so one can find things like MP3, TV, KFC, drugs, gambling and so on in the prison. At the same time, foreign prisoners can also buy their own food to cook. However, to a person like me who had no family and friends, it was a very cruel place because in great unfairness, one must put up with the fact that you do not have the same privileges as the others.

During the period in detention, I was detained with a Filipino. He also had no one to visit him. He was locked up for five months for an offence of having an expired passport. As we shared the same cell, I often took his Bible to read as a story book to past time. The Filippino prisoner tried to preach Jesus Christ's message to me, but I always called him crazy. I also told him that I would never believe in Jesus and he need not waste time on me. Since he was only sentenced to five months, he was soon released from prison. Before he left, he said he would come to visit me and also ask others to visit me. I did not take him seriously as I was a nobody to him, why would someone be so kind to visit me? He must have been joking.

I spent about a year in the detention center, and was sentenced to fortythree years imprisonment. Forty-three years! I was only twenty-two year old, how was I supposed to live in the helllike prison for forty-three years? My first attempt to commit suicide was in 1994 but I got rescued! After I was sentenced, I was transferred to the Bangkok Prison. During this time life was really bitter, no one ever came to visit me. To make a living, I had to sell meals and wash dishes, working from 6am in the morning to 8pm in the evening before going to bed. I was like a living dead. That was just my first year and the beginning, how was I to cope with the years to come?

A year after I was transferred to the Bangkok Prison, which was my second year in incarceration, when one day, a prison officer told me that someone had came to visit me. I was really curious, but also could not believe my ears! When I went out, there was only a foreigner (a westerner). It was him! He had came to visit me. He said that here was a Filipino who asked him to come and visit me. I reckoned that it might have been the Filipino prisoner I shared a cell with in the detention center in the South. I was very pleased and very grateful. It was Father Olivier from the Bangkok Catholic Church who came to visit me. Father Olivier was more than 60 years old. At that time he began to visit me, another church in Bangkok - CHARLES & LOURDES HOLMES also came to visit me.

They visited me and also gave me a little living expenses and buy clothing, food, daily necessities and so on. We did not know one another, so why were they so good to me? Although they believe in and worship Jesus and work for Him, but they had never asked me to convert to Christianity. They were just doing what they were supposed to do, helping those in need of help. Although I was moved, but I would not believe in Jesus just because of their help. I had read some of the Bible, but had only done so as if I was reading a novel. It was impossible for me to believe in Jesus. I only believed in the Chinese God, as I was a temple medium before. They came to visit me once a month and gave me the daily necessities that I needed and so on. However, that did not satisfy me because compared with other prisoners, my life was far worse than theirs. But having someone to visit was better than none, right?

At noon on 14 June 1996, Friday, I suddenly fainted. The prison officers admitted me to the prison hospital. As I was fainted suddenly, I did not bring anything with me to the hospital. My stomach was very painful, and the doctor said that I had serious stomach ulcers. That evening I was all alone in the hospital and I thought about many things, and felt very regrettable for my past. I was very sorry to my adopted parents because I did not fulfil my duty as a filial son. I had done a lot of wrongs and I was extremely remorseful. That night I really cried. I missed my deceased adopted parents, and I was also touched by the people who came to visit me. Actually I should say that I was touched by the Lord Jesus Christ! He died for our sins, and His blood gives us new life. I completely believed in Him that night, and wanted Him to be my Savior, I confessed to Him of what I had done. I begged for His acceptence, my mind was filled with the words of the Lord that night. Hebrews 13:5-6, because He said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you. ”

Ever since I accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as my Savior, I enjoyed true calmness in me. The next day was Saturday, I wrote to the Church for help, because the medical equipment and medicines were inadequate there, I wanted to be transferred to a better equiped hospital. I planned to mail the letter on the following Monday, at the earliest they would visit me and help me a week later. The Lord Jesus Christ showed me His love and power after I have believed in Him. I really see the miracle. Praise the Lord! Why? I sent the letter on Monday morning, it would be Friday at the earliest before anyone come to visit me. However, two sisters came to visit me that very morning. They had never visited me before, they were from the church in the South and not from the church in Bangkok. They happened to be in Bangkok for a meeting, and they had heard my name a year ago, so they decided to come to visit me. They came at the right time when I needed them most. Isn't this a revelation of the Lord's care of me? What a miracle! After one of the sisters knew about this, she immediately praised the Lord! She deliberately stayed in Bangkok for a month, came to visit me twice a week. She also brought me good food and medication. Most importantly, she brought me the love of the Lord. I became more confident in the Lord. That was the first time the Lord showed me His miracles. Praise the Lord!

Since then, I started to believe in the Lord, my felt peace in my heart. I also receive more blessings from the Lord. I am no longer alone as I now have many brothers and sisters. They do not mind that I am a murderer, as a Christian I am a new born person, and most important of all, the gift of God is eternal life to all who believedin Him. We live a short time the this world. At the same time, no one can predict what will happen tomorrow? At that time my thinking was, it would be ideal if indeed the Lord to me with Him. In case if that did not happen, then at least I have a peaceful mind until I leave this world. There is no loss, right? I spent more than eleven years in the prison in Thailand. Apart from reading the Bible, I also learnt Chinese and English through the reading while in the prison, to improve myself, for I only had education up to primary three level. In the days after I know Lord Jesus Christ, though there was no change in my life, after all I was still in a prison, but my life was very enriched and peaceful. I was happy because I was satisfied!

For good behavior in the prison, and the amnesty granted by the King of Thailand, I was released from prison in 2005. They sent me to the local immigration authorities, where I lived for more than a month, and my church bought me a plane ticket to return to Singapore. I finally came back. After I returned to Singapore, I was further imprisoned for more than a year. I was not very happy after I came back, after all I had left this place for many years, it was not easy for me to adapt, coupled with the fact that I did not have any family and friends. The main difficulty was that I did not have any money, so how could I find a place to stay and live my life?

While in custody at the Singapore prison, I was allowed to go out to work because of my good conduct. I left the prison during the day and went back to the prison at night. Those prisoners who have the support of their families could go home every Saturday, but they would have to return to the prison on Monday after work. As I had no family, I could only go out to work but could not go home overnight like the other prisoners. I wished I had the opportunity to do so but it was quite impossible! Thus, I prayed to the Lord Jesus Christ, and prayed very hard for it. He demonstrated His great power again and made the impossible happen. After I shared my prayer with the other prisoners, His miracle strengthened our faith in the Lord. Three weeks after I started working (I was assigned to work at Burger King), the prison department allowed me to go home and spend the night out, but the fact was that I did not have a home and a place to go to. However, their mistake had made it possible. Wasn't that made possible by Lord Jesus Christ after listening to my prayers? How could Singapore's prison department made such a big mistake? If it was not an act of God, I would not have believed that it could have happened. Praise the Lord! Although wepray to the Lord for many things but not everything is good. Taking me for example, God has made it possible for me to go home on weekends just like the others, but I had no home nor place to go. Most of the time I spent the night at Internet cafe, it was very consuming both physically and monetarily. Perhaps I had lost a lot of my freedom, so I treasured very much the time outside. I dare not tell the prison department about that, because once they knew, I would not be able to spend the night out again. Please forgive me for being selfish!

During the New Year season in 2007, I had a few days to stay out of the prison. I felt very lonely and desolate when I saw everyone happily celebrating Christmas and New Year with their families and friends. I was very sad, and I thought of my adopted parents. I was a failure in life. I was very scared and discouraged, and I decided not to go back to the prison. Immediately, I became a fugitive. A month later, I started feeling that life was not worth living. I rented a small room in Kallang. I tried to give myself a reason to live, but I was really tired, very scared and lost. I was all by myself in this world, it did not matter whether I was dead or alive, plus I had no future because I did not know how to survive? I remembered one night, I became irrational. I bought charcoal to commit suicide by poisoning myself with carbon-monoxide. That night two police officers came to my room just before I lighted up the charcoal. Someone had reported to the police because I behaved strangely, so they had came to investigate. The Lord saved me! They took me back to the prison where I served the remaining sentence.

I was completely free at last in September 2007! Live was extremely hard after I came out of the prison. I had less than a hundred dollars, my only possession was the set of clothes I was wearing. With no family and friends, I had to seek help from the local churches. I received some old clothes and two hundred dollars from two churches. I did not have any place to sleep, so I had to sleep in the street for a few nights. To save the money, I went to the Buddha Tooth Relic Temple for free breakfast, lunch and dinner. Since I was without proper education, no permanent address and had been to prison, it was difficult to get a job. I had the thought of quiting, but knowing that the Lord must have plans for me, so I persevered. With no other avenues, I sought refuge at a welfare home temporarily.

Thank God, I finally found a job in October, to work at the front desk of a hotel in Geylang. It is an infamous environment, but as long as I am strong-willed, that is no big deal. Besides, a front desk job is a decent job. At present, I am still holding on to this job. In addition, I have a part-time job this year. I am currently renting my own room to live, even though the rents are high. However, I have no other ways because I cannot afford to buy a house and I am not elibigle for a HDB rental flat. Although I have been pessimistic but I am happy, why? That is because I am willing to put in effort, and work on what God has instructed me to do.

I could not remember exactly when I met the 15 year old boy by the name of Darren. He worked as a pimp for the prostitutes in Geylang. I was really surprised! It was really incredible for someone so young to work as a pimp! I began to make friends with him, I let him know of my past, at the same time found that he had family problems. I began to help him, but how did I do it? In addition to teaching and caring for him, I gave him some financial help. I was happy that he listened to my words, stopped pimping and left Geylang. Before I met him, he already had a number of cases of which were pending for sentencing (theft and fighting) but after he knew me he changed noticeably. I also discovered that it was not his family who did not love him, but they do not know how to express their love. After taking time to analyse the underlying problem with him and his parents, their relationships changed profoundly.

A few months later, he was confined at juvenile correctional home in Singapore for his previous offences. However, I did not give up on him. I write to him regularly, and took his sister to visit him and buy things for him. He has been confined for more than a year since. Besides helping him, I also help his sister Jin Mei. I did not ask them to believe in my God because that is wrong. I am just doing what I should, and I do not want them to go the road I once walked. Besides, the Lord's people came and take care of me while I was in Thailand, that it is my pleasure to serve God by doing the same thing. I have a lonely life, it is a blessing from God to let me care for these young people!

After Darren, I thank the Lord for giving me the opportunity to get to know Jin Mei (she is Darren's sister), Crystal, Lim Willie, Shirley (雪丽), Javin Tan, and Jann. (I would later write about how I know them, how Lord let me help them). Although they did not know each other before, but now they do. They also know how the Lord wanted me to help them. I share most of the time and money with them. However I do not spend any money unnecessarily, so to ensure that they really benefited from the money. Unknowingly, our relationship has already lasted for two years. The seven youths are from problem families, they need help and care. I am very happy to see they have changed for the better, not going the wrong way. Among them, Darren, Jann, and Lim Willie have more serious problem, and now they all have a very healthy lives and bright futures. Apart from Willie who is 21 year old, the others are no more than 17 year old. I thank the Lord for giving each of them a job, for it is not an easy task to find suitable jobs given their age, and of course they must be willing to do it. I will, one by one, write about their stories...